What a lovely day this was. Alumni weekend 2021. So many of Jim’s original team were there. There are some other photos I will download later of the ruggers in question. I remember we were going to take a ‘girls’ photo and jim jumped right in the middle of the group! That jacket he is wearing is an original UNL Rugby jacket. And look at that old rugby jersey he has on under it. It is sometimes a good thing to be a sentimental saver. Lots of guys were jealous of him that day!
When I think of our life together in hindsight it was overwhelmingly good. He was a good man, husband, father and friend. But let’s face it nobody’s perfect, even Jim Cunningham! He could be as moody and irrational as any other human being. He was never ‘wrong’! One time I even said to him, “After twenty plus years of being together it is statistically impossible for you to have been right every time!” Of course, the problem with that argument was that he had a much better memory than I do and was a lot smarter. Sometimes it was infuriating!
But I mention these things in lead up to a confession and an apology I make to him every day. I was mad at him after my heart attack. (First know that irrational anger is included with depression and that after my heart attack I was indeed depressed. I have great drugs and care that are keeping me on an even keel now! Not to worry.)
My rationalization was that if he really loved me he would have taken me to the hospital right away. He would have insisted on it! But he didn’t, he let me make the call. And that reminded me of other times when another husband might have intervened on behalf of their little wife and that fueled the flame. One in particular was when we were in San Diego for an Old Boys tournament. An exceedingly drunk Irish lad put himself into my personal space for a very long time while as a few of us were having a celebratory beer after the games. Jimmy got a kick out of it as several others at the table looked on as if to say, “Aren’t you going to help her out here?” The guy was pretty harmless, but quite annoying. I might have been grateful for a little help from my husband.
We had a talk about such things last year. I told him that sometimes during this life together he had indeed annoyed me. Wasn’t that normal? Didn’t I annoy him occasionally? He said no, nothing I did annoyed him. Now, here he was just being kind, because I know just how annoying I can be!
But what I have realized with great pride since his passing is that he didn’t come to my rescue or make decisions for me – ever – because he saw me as a strong woman who could take care of herself and make her own damn decisions! That’s a much bigger compliment than I deserved or could ever repay. So I’m sorry, Jimmy, that I didn’t see it sooner. Thank you for your support.