I call them Surprise Lilies, but Pink Ladies will do as well. I took this photo on August 18, 2019. Jim’s birthday. I remember that there were so many blooms that year that I started thinning them out and giving them to anyone who wanted some. Their sudden appearance in late summer always make me happy!
I feel like I am approaching another crossroad. Mostly questions about how my life will go on from here. Where do I start or am I in the middle of it already? What will it look like? How will these past years influence my decisions going forward? Am I brave enough to test the waters of being a human again?
Can I grow out of the muddle and muck and indecision and move past my grief? As Elizabeth asked us recently, “Is it ok to feel ok? Or if I feel ok will it make things harder if I start getting sad again?”
Answer, “It absolutely ok to feel ok! Please do! Practice how it feels to be out from under the sadness. It is in us now, but we can’t let it rule our lives. As we have always said, learn from it. I believe we have learned many worthwhile lessons, together and separately.”
But now what? I am grateful that it is Spring. There are garden beds to clean and new things to plant. Jim’s Yellow Brick Road rose looks great! The birdbath I tiled last spring is cracking up! Literally. I didn’t use outdoor grout. My bad. I have things to keep me busy, but I feel compelled to give some thought to looking past one-day-at-a-time and finding a little more purpose than that.
I’m sure it will come to me in time. Whatever it is I am on the watch for it. Until then I will keep mourning and healing respectively. And retile the birdbath.