What a photo! This was from Zoo Fest 2016. Look at the happy faces of OLD Zoo Bar bartenders and devoted friends, Jim, Buck, and Joe reunited to serve new Zoo Bar customers! Luckily they still only had to open bottles of beer or was it kegs and plastic glasses? Either way, they enjoyed each others company and didn’t mind posing for a photo together!
Elizabeth, was in residence at my house for almost three weeks. In, fact she just went home last Saturday. A rhythm ensues when she stays with me; she works, I do my thing and we get together in between. Of course, the reason for coming when she did was her cousin, Michael Horn’s wedding to the beautiful and talented Valerie Cuevas. OMG! I am not kidding, that was one fun wedding. I won’t go into all the details, but when you are greeted by a Mariachi Band upon entering the venue you know there are good times ahead.
Then we had a week of work/do stuff before we made a quick trip to KC for a Royals game with Vickie Smith and a quicker lunch with the McV.’s. So much fun and the Royals beat the Twins!
A car ride is often a good place for conversation and this one gave us plenty of concentrated time to explore. Her conversation starter is usually on the order of, “What are you most grateful for?” That question has so many answers and can lead almost anywhere depending on the day, situation and time.
I am thankful for so many things! Of course, the usual: friends, health, family. I am thankful for Elizabeth, her humor, her laughter, her thoughtfulness, her love. She possesses all of those attributes, that in my opinion, make up a genuinely good human. I am thankful for, Sean, of course, who never disappoints. What a great, thoughtful, loving, witty, smart, talented (Ok, I’ll stop now) person he is! And along with Natalie occupies a huge portion of my heart.
I am lucky to love them and to know that they love me.
But, our conversation on I-29 on our way to Kansas City took a different turn than the afore mentioned obvious one.
I said that I was grateful that we had all survived the grief of Jimmy’s death and were coming out on the other side (and it is like a tunnel) stronger and more resilient. It is hardly likely that I will ever feel that kind of grief again and if I do I know I can survive that as well.
I know I can survive almost anything. Sadness does not kill you. Loss can be borne and overcome. I can only suppose that most who suffer insufferable loss come to a similar realization. Maybe they don’t put it into words, surely there is a calm of sorts. Elizabeth admitted that she had been realizing the same things. I am glad, but I am sorry she had to discover these feelings because of the loss of her dad. We don’t get to choose do we?
On the other hand, not all loss is the same. I have no right to speak for anyone except myself, but haven’t we noticed in our elders, who we now mourn, a forbearance that they exhibited after repeated loss. And I don’t believe that it is any sign of resignation. I think of the strength of my mother-in-law after the deaths of three children and her husband. I will always be in awe of her fortitude and grateful for the example of her countenance.
I suppose some people could turn cynical or angry or in a constant state of feeling sorry for themselves. I cannot fault them for that. I understand that as well. But it is not for me.
What I have found is a new happiness, and an appreciation for the loves and the great people I have in my life. And the new confidence I have to be my own person. It is very freeing. And I know that this new me will be okay.
I’m okay.