Thursday, September 1, 2022
I think today’s gonna be one of those days where I’m a little weepy. I just looked at his picture, the one I took when we were at a little park in Minnesota by the Mississippi River. He looks so happy and so healthy and like his old self in the picture. I just long for him to feel that way again. This was taken about three weeks before we found out he had cancer on the back of his tongue. I love the picture. It’s one of my favorites. I’m so glad I used to take so many pictures of him. And that he would let me.
Susie left Coco with me for a couple of days so she could go back to Fairbury and watch her grandson’s football games and be part of the celebration. Coco is despondent as am I.
Besides my dermatology appointment at 2:45 I think we’re just gonna hang out together today and take walks. This morning I did get her to go further than she’s ever gone. And then I got stung by a small wasp and was happy to have her lead me home!
I put baking soda paste on the bite. I think that’s what my old aunts and uncles used to do with my bites. We’ll see!
As part of my very busy dream last night I was approached by our friend, Jeff Ferris. He gave me the biggest bear hug. The hug continued, not in any sort of sexual way, but in an especially loving way, with a Peggy Olson 20 second count. It seemed as though he was trying to make our hearts touch. After we parted he immediately blended in with the rest of the general menagerie of characters who people my dreams these days.
I am still moved by the image, the feel.
In the last few years Jim and I hugged often. And we held hands. We held hands to fall asleep when he was still able to sleep in bed with me. We held hands in the car no matter who was driving.
On the way to Omaha for treatments or family gatherings one of us would reach across and grab the other one’s hand. Our eyes would meet for a second and we would smile and hold on until a disconnect was necessary for driving’s sake. Not much need to say anything. We both knew what that simple act meant to each other.
We hugged randomly at home. We would, for example, be in the kitchen together and one of us would stop and pull the other one into a hug. And we would hug for a while, and share a kiss and then go about our day.
I am so glad we did that. It was important to both of us. I would regret it if we hadn’t.