A year ago this morning our Jimmy didn’t wake up. Today so many emotions arise still. Many reliably the same, some so very different. A peace has nestled into the sadness, an acceptance of sorts. I wish he was here, of course, but free of the nasty cancer that claimed his life well before it took his life. I wish he could see how much we miss him and how well we are surviving his absence.
We are at he the end of a grand and relaxing week in Florida, Sean, Elizabeth and I. We celebrated their birthdays, hugged, laughed, played Quiddler, watched old movies and visited the beach as many times as the weather permitted. We celebrated their father by being together. We talked about the different ways in which we have traveled this new world of grief. We all recognize by now that no way is the right way and no way is the wrong way. Like the rest of life it just is.
We strengthened our bond which was not close to being loose! No ashes went into the sea, very few tears were shed, until today. I believe some involuntary weeping might occur as the day progresses, but that is allowed.
On Sunday we had an extraordinary adventure at The Merrit Island National Wildlife Refuge. Our guide, Taylor, a wildlife girl for sure, explained to our small group (The three of us, our guide and a family of three, mom, dad and daughter. Mom and Elizabeth shared a kayak.) that the Space Center purchased the entire preserve to prevent civilization from encroaching on their business. After they were sure they had claimed all the land area they needed they set up the wildlife sanctuary as it is today. No homes, no high rise hotels, hardly any cell phone coverage! Just water and sand, trees and natural vegetation, birds and sea animals. And since the operation we had signed on with is licensed as an educational tour group under her supervision we could touch the manatees if any were opened to being touched. Sometimes they were, sometimes not. We would see.
Before we even launched our kayaks we saw dolphins fishing right off the beach. They are so sleek and graceful. What a good start. As we paddled the canal we saw osprey, egrets, cranes and had our first sight of manatees traversing the canal with us. So exciting. When we stopped at the first cove many of them were surfacing and one curious fellow adopted Elizabeth and her boat mate. They touched the surface of it’s rough hide. You could see the barnacles and algae. You could also see the healed remains of slashes where it had had an unfortunate incident with a boat propeller. Apparently all manatees have some damage from unfortunate incidents with boat propellers. This fellow was fortunate to suffer wounds from which he could survive.
We paddled around the bend to a more secluded cove. Here, Taylor warned us, was a known mating spot. Be careful to not touch any manatee with your paddle, stay close to the outer edges of the cove. Proceed with caution and we might get some good sightings without suffering any harm to ourselves. We followed her advice to the letter. And sure enough manatees were indeed frolicking in the center of the cove. It was thrilling to see!
Sean, being the adventurous type, steered us to the far side of the cove carefully keeping the boat on the outskirts of the action. The others followed suit and soon our four kayaks surrounded the pond. Then to our amazement a curious manatee pulled up along side our kayak. She checked us out. She stuck her muzzle out of the water and almost insisted that we pet her. We obliged. After a very little while she hugged the side of our kayak with her flipper and proceeded to roll herself over so her soft belly surfaced. “Rub my belly,” she seemed to say, so we did!
Many times she did this! She held my hand in her flippers to keep herself balanced. She floated and bobbed and came up for air. She nuzzled my hand and I felt the warmth and frankly indescribable sensation of my hand in her mouth. She was as curious about me as I was about her. She pushed our boat around for awhile and then situated herself so she could do the same with Sean. So we floated in that little cove with sex going on in the center as love and friendship played out on the edge.
We were, in fact, stealing the show from the others in our group, but I was selfish and kept her attention for as long as I could. Quite frankly, I lost my heart to her! Finally Sean moved us away and she turned her attention for a little while to the dad and daughter in our small group. I’m glad she did. It was good to watch the teenager and her dad being as delighted as we had been.
Taylor told us as we were packing up for the day that she had never been witness to anything like what happened with that manatee that day. Never ever.
There is love out there in the world and it does, in fact, show up in the most unexpected places and ways. I never would have thought that a chance meeting with a wild creature could help heal my heart. And yet…
