October 17, 2015. Jim and I were driving home from the Omaha airport after our two week trip to Ireland and France with our wonderful hosts, Jiff and Elaine Reid. Of course we needed to top off that vacation with a pontoon ride at South Bend with Bill Swearingen. I wonder what Jimmy was thinking? Mona Lisa doesn’t have anything on this guy!
Sometime last Fall I was reminded that a long term, long lasting relationship like the one I shared with Jim does not, in fact, happen overnight. Seems silly to say, doesn’t it? I was talking to a friend, single in her seventies, who seemed to be under the impression that finding a mate would be the best thing ever. And she was saying she hoped she would have a relationship like Jim’s and mine. No doubt she was intent on flattering me, but she was also serious.
I am afraid I dashed her hopes. Not about finding a life partner at an advanced age, I certainly believe that is quite achievable, but of thinking that she could walk into a new relationship that felt like an established one. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe that is possible, but I can hardly see how.
When I think of the kids we started out as, and Jim and I were NOT kids when we met, when I think about how much we matured over the nearly 38 years of hanging out and growing up, I think that we were not special. I think it takes that long to figure out the dance. It takes kids, and fights, and supporting each other through loss, and special, tender moments. All of these build upon each other over time until there are so many layers that they form a bond that makes one life out of two lives.
That’s a little poetic for me, but you know what I mean. Two years in isn’t the same as ten, and ten isn’t the same as twenty! I have to say from twenty-four to thirty-four were the icing on the cake for us, even with Jim’s illness. Strange how illness can make you closer and make small differences disappear.
I wish my friend all the best with finding love. We all need love in our lives.