Elizabeth with no makeup! Still so pretty! Elizabeth was in Boulder for some reason and so was I. We headed out to dinner together even though Ruth and Tony had made a delicious looking salad to share. Just needed some family time. I imagine that Jim was either working or not well enough to travel.
March 11. 2023
The other day a friend asked me if my kids liked each other. I got the feeling that his do not! That makes me sad. My two love each other and support each other completely. And, how lucky am I, that they both love me? I believe I would be heartbroken with any other circumstance.
We have made a pact to be as honest and open with our feelings surrounding their father’s death as humanly possible. It has become easier as the months go by. We had a spell in December when for a while we were all attempting to cover up how bad we were feeling, with the thought that if one said how sad they were it would make the other ones feel bad for them. When I broke that trap by admitting how frail I was they both admitted how hard they were having it and we all agreed, “We are never going to do that again!”
And we haven’t.
Last evening Elizabeth sent us a message on our family text telling us how sad she has been this week. … “missing Dad, crying a lot and not doing great,” was the theme. I admitted how I was also feeling the loss and was stuck and dreading the approaching St. Patrick’s Day holiday.
This is what Sean wrote back to her:
“I’m so sorry Elizabeth. Remember there is nothing wrong with feeling this way. You are loved and cared about! I think it’s important to remember that dates and ‘time since’ are important things to think about but don’t have to dictate how you feel! Dad loved us, think about his smile and his kind heart and he will never be gone.”
Elizabeth’s reply:
“Thanks, Seanie. Yeah. Most of the time I think about his smile and his laugh and the things he used to say. I even heard some songs the other day that made me smile instead of cry which was awesome. And these past couple days have just been more feeling into the sad. I’m doing a much better job of just letting myself be sad with no judgment (not perfect at that but getting better.)
Me:
“I think we all understand that what we’re feeling is more than a little sad. It’s deeper than that. It’s more visceral. For me it’s all encompassing. It pervades my entire body and changes my blood pressure and my heart rate. I am hoping that the sadness makes me more compassionate. And more understanding.”
Elizabeth:
“I do absolutely understand mom. It’s definitely made me more compassionate and understanding.”
I really am one lucky parent!
By the way, I asked their permission to use our conversation here and it was immediately granted!