October 17, 2021. Another beautiful autumn day at Bill’s cabin. Shawnee Mission West spirit wear. Of course.
My husband was always completely honest. Sometimes it embarrassed me. Sometimes I thought, hush. Nobody wants to know how much money you are making and/or any of the other things he might have felt free to talk about where others modestly keep mum. It didn’t matter to him. He was just himself all the time, completely without guile. If he were a character in the “Divergent” series he most certainly would have been a leader in the Candor faction.
Yet, as I have come to learn, that’s what everybody loved about him. Maybe they wish they could be like that. He was so completely without embarrassment about anything he said or did. He was just himself and now I’m writing this blog, and I’m trying to be honest, but I do ask myself do people really want to know how I feel? Do they want me to share the fact that I am sometimes struggling? Or that some days I want them to know that I’m fine, everything’s really fine today.
So if I am brave enough to say how I actually feel will that help? Will that allow other people to say, “you know I’m not quite fine today either?” I don’t know, yet I think I am encouraged to try it.
I don’t want people to feel bad or to feel sorry for me. Don’t feel like anyone has to do something to help me. There’s nothing I can do. There’s nothing you can do. It just exists in the world. I will try to figure this out but I think I have to address it because? Who else is addressing it?